'Honor Killing' and Multi-Orgasmic Males

I came upon an article the other day about an incident of 'honor killing' in Pakistan.

Five women, three of whom were teenagers, were abducted at gunpoint, loaded into a vehicle, driven to a remote field, beaten up, shot, and then dumped into a ditch and buried while still alive. Their 'crime' was that they wanted to choose their own husbands (for the article please see http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26469519 ).

Honor killing has a long history and apparently is on the rise according to the United Nations Population Fund...

"Throughout the world, perhaps as many as 5,000 women and girls a year are murdered by members of their own families, many of them for the "dishonour" of having been raped, often as not by a member of their own extended family.

Many forms of communally sanctioned violence against women, such as "honour" killings, are associated with the community's or the family's demand for sexual chastity and virginity.

Perpetrators of such wanton acts often receive light sentences or are excused by the courts entirely because defence of the family's honour is treated as a mitigating circumstance.

"Honour" killings are on the rise worldwide, according to Asma Jahangir, the United Nations special rapporteur on extrajudicial, summary and arbitrary executions. Ms. Jahangir is working closely with United Nations special investigators on violence against women and on the independence of judges and lawyers to address the issue.

"The perpetrators of these crimes are mostly male family members of the murdered women, who go unpunished or receive reduced sentences on the justification of having murdered to defend their misconceived notions of 'family honour,'" Jahangir wrote in her 2000 annual report to the Commission on Human Rights. Such killings have been reported in Bangladesh, Brazil, Ecuador, Egypt, India, Israel, Italy, Jordan, Morocco, Pakistan, Sweden, Turkey, Uganda and the United Kingdom, according to the report.

On the order of clerics, an 18-year-old woman was flogged to death in Batsail, Bangladesh, for "immoral" behaviour, according to the report. In Egypt, a father paraded his daughter's severed head through the streets shouting, "I avenged my honour."

The report says that "honour" killings tend to be more prevalent in, but are not limited to, countries with a majority Muslim population. It adds, however, that Islamic leaders have condemned the practice and say it has no religious basis.
Kifaya, a Jordanian girl of 12, was intelligent and full of curiosity. But when she returned home one evening from a walk in the neighbourhood with some friends, she was confronted by her enraged father. Shouting that she had dishonoured the entire family, her father proceeded to beat Kifaya with sticks and iron chains until she was dead. He told police he killed his only daughter because she went for walks without his permission.

About the same time, Hanan, 34, was shot dead by her brother for the "crime" of marrying a Christian. Her brother left her body in the street and smoked a cigarette while he waited for the police to arrive. Every year between 25 and 50 women and girls are the victims of "honour" killings in Jordan."

(For more on the 2000 UN report on ending violence against women and girls please see http://www.unfpa.org/swp/2000/english/ch03.html#top ).

'Honor killings' represent just some of the murders of women committed to repress and control their sexuality. This is just the tip of the bloody iceberg of violence and abuse perpetrated against females in order to achieve this objective.

Female sexual repression is a theme that I have addressed on several occasions in the past (please see my article 'Liberating the Caged Female Human Animal's Sexuality' - http://www.untamedlife.com/articles/bonobo1.php , my newsletter entitled 'Human Intersexual Relationships' - http://www.untamedlife.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=311 , my newsletter entitled 'Orgasmic Birth, Monogamy, and Sexual Healing' - http://www.untamedlife.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1012 , and a previous blogpost on Ayaan Hirsi Ali - http://www.untamedlife.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1559 ).

While there is no excuse or justification for the millenia of violence and torture inflicted upon women by men in order to repress their sexuality, as with everything else, there is an explanation.

Simply put - when it comes to sexuality, men are woefully inadequate and insecure.

Male violence against women in order to control female sexuality is just an expression of male weakness and inferiority in this arena.

At some level men understand that females naturally have greater sexual needs and sexual potential in terms of ability to engage in sex more frequently, longer, and with more pleasure than males.

The clitoris has has a higher concentration of nerve fibers than any other part of the human body - twice as many as the penis. The sole role of the clitoris is to give sexual pleasure.

It is not at all uncommon for women to be multiorgasmic and to become increasingly sexual as they get older while men are generally just the opposite in both respects.

Civilized men are desperate to insure paternity, despite the biological fact that females have a natural need to be able to access the best genes and resources available to optimize the success of their offspring.

Women are built to have sex with multiple partners, to the degree that it is perfectly natural for them to have the sperm of more than one male within their body at the same time. This behavior is standardly seen in our closest primate relatives, the chimpanzees, but even better evidence of this is the phenomenon of sperm warfare in humans whereby a significant percentage of sperm have the sole role of blocking other sperm (presumably from other males) from successfully fertilizing the egg.

Reality is that women have a more powerful sexual drive and accompanying needs than men and they will seek out males that will best satisfy them, from every perspective - in terms of pleasure, genes, and additional resources.

Due to their greater individual physical strength (on average), males have chosen to address this reality by beating women into submission, both individually and through the structure of civilized society in a myriad of ways.

However, this violent male strategy does not change the fact of female sexuality. Beating down the natural female sexual drive is equivalent to beating down birds because they want to fly.

I recently had the opportunity to discuss sexual issues with two women in their 50's.

One had been married, virtually continuously, since she was 15 years old. Her second marriage had ended within the last couple of years and she now found herself on her own, having been abandoned by her husband.

Initially she was very upset with this turn of events but after a while realized that she, for the first time in her life, had the opportunity to focus on her own life and what she wanted in every respect.

She discovered a strong sexual drive within herself and became involved sexually with different men, including to her great satisfaction a man in his early 20's. Being freed from previous constraints she found herself invigorated sexually and in every other way.

The other woman had been raised in a very sexually repressive environment. She married immediately upon graduation from high school and is still with the same man.

She has a good relationship with him, including sexually, however, some time in her 40's she became aware of a steadily increasing sexual drive which she had not felt previously. She has begun to act on this drive with several men, again including a man in his early 20's (whose sexual energy she openly delights in), and feels no remorse apart from frustration with herself for not having done this earlier.

She unequivocally indicates that she is not dissatisfied with her husband, is not seeking romance or even a relationship, but simply wants to explore and develop sexually and is committed to increasing her pursuit of sexual pleasure.

For both of these women, it was clear that they had spent the majority of their lives repressing their sexuality but have finally empowered themselves and are now reveling in their opportunity to experience greater and more varied sexual pleasure. It was also obvious that both regret what they had missed out on for many years but are determined to make up for lost pleasure.

Furthermore, their sexual repression had been just one aspect of the overall subordination of themselves that they had experienced during the first part of their lives. Notably, that overall subordination had taken place specifically in order to supress their sexuality, as is typically the case for the majority of women.

The male strategy of violent repression of female sexuality, and womanhood overall as a function of that, is unwise.

Everyone loses. It is, in fact, a loser's strategy.

While, at a practical level, it will be largely incumbent upon women to stop the present war dedicated to female sexual repression, most importantly by unifying with their fellow women and together resisting male violence, men can do something about this as well.

First of all, rather than fighting nature, men can accept and even affirm it. Men have the opportunity to understand natural female sexuality and learn to be supportive of and synchronous with it.

By acknowledging the reality of female sexuality men can encourage female sexual awakening and thus gain the possibility of enjoying interaction with females as they self-actualize sexually rather than operating within a repressed and dysfunctional sexual dynamic.

Why sit in a tiny swimming pool when you can ride powerful ocean waves?

Of course part of that answer is that one stays in the pool because one can't swim.

This leads to the second way that men can work with rather than against female sexual empowerment. Men must sexually empower themselves.

As it turns out, men are generally very intimidated by sexually secure women, and usually quite rightfully so, because of their own sexual inadequacies.

It bears stating that even the most sexually accomplished male could not compete with his female counterpart. Physiologically woman are inherently sexually superior. To that end no matter how far a man develops himself sexually, he should not imagine that he will truly 'tame' or 'conquer' a woman in his sexual league. Hopefully, he will not even want to but will simply be satisfied with the opportunity to engage with her, enjoying the experience for what it is.

For the time being, however, a man who actually invests in his sexual and overall development and who affirms female sexuality and empowerment is such a rarity that he will stand out in the male crowd and thus will enhance his access to those females seeking their sexual and general self-actualization.

As well, unfortunately, at the present time women are such a subjugated lot that they may be well pleased to find just one man who affirms them in this manner and will be inclined to cherish the relationship more than they might if they were more empowered themselves. It would serve men well in such situations to encourage their partner's sexual and personal evolution nonetheless, in order to prevent the relationship from becoming a barrier to healthy growth.

Realistically, for men to empower themselves sexually they must begin by empowering themselves overall. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who is his own man, comfortable in his own skin and truly operating at a high level. I recommend that a man start by doing whatever is necessary to accomplish this objective. My book 'Liberating the Caged Human Animal' (http://www.untamedlife.com/book/) presents my suggestion of how to move in that direction.

To be better able to interact successfully with a woman intent on developing her sexuality, it is also very important that a man empower himself sexually.

Although men may have had very active sexual lives, in many cases they are sexually very underdeveloped in terms of knowledge or skill.

Additionally, the typical male sexual response involves an exercise directed towards orgasm and ejaculation, often occurring within a time frame during which the female partner is not even beginning to really get warmed up in terms of her true sexual potential (even if she manages to experience an orgasm) and then he's done and falls off to sleep.

Generally speaking, once a man ejaculates his sexual drive diminishes at least for a while (less significantly so for males in their teens and early twenties, thus explaining part of their allure to older women - a woman in her forties typically matches an eighteen year old in terms of sexual stamina), thus either ending or at least significantly disrupting the optimal rising female sexual response.

It was in part for that reason that a very sexual non-lesbian woman that I met preferred to have sex with other women, with whom she generally sought and succeeded in having fifteen orgasms per coupling.

For many women, if sex with a man were a meal, it would be over most of the time before they even got to finish the appetizer.

Men who care about their partner's sexual satisfaction often try to delay ejaculation, typically by engaging in mental diversion techniques with varying degrees of success. Even if effective in accomplishing the intended goal, unfortunately the man ends up not being truly 'present' for the sexual interaction, depriving both himself and his partner of a more satisfying experience.

It is hardly surprising that many men end up having more pleasure engaging with pornography than with a real woman since with the former they are able to truly let themselves go without blocking their sexual response.

In a natural system all of this would not be a very important issue. Women would be having sex with males when they wanted to, presumably often with more than just one when ready for sex, and each male would engage sexually until he ejaculated and would feel satisfied until the opportunity presented again. One will assume that this would not be an uncommon occurrance and everyone would be having enough sex both from a reproductive as well as a pleasure point of view.

Thus, unlike our desexualized cultures (organized this way largely to increase one's focus on work and order - since sex does tend to diminish interest in both), sex would be a common part of life and thus sexual energy would be permeating the community on an ongoing basis with pleasurable results.

Most civilized societies have had little to offer in the area of sexuality.

Western culture has had a particularly unhealthy attitude toward sexuality and as a result males in this part of the world receive no meaningful instruction to enable them to become sexually empowered.

Some cultures in the Far East have had a more open attitude towards sex, typically within the wealthy classes, and spent considerable energy focusing on enhancing sexual pleasure. Generally this was done from a male perspective, often for males who had access to large numbers of women.

Nonetheless, in the process some attention was given to the issue of how to make the experience more fulfilling for the women involved. Presumably, they developed some appreciation that female enjoyment enhances the interaction.

Taoists in China, at least two thousand years ago, pursued the sexual arts in some depth (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoist_sexual_practices).

A principle idea of theirs involved the 'essence of life' called 'Jing'. They believed that what contained the most Jing was semen and they thus recommended its preservation so as not to run out of it (and thus die).

Due to this perception of things, they developed an array of ways to prevent ejaculation during sex while still having (non-ejaculatory) orgasms. By these means, men are able to orgasm and maintain their sexual desire and erection and thus remain engaged sexually for prolonged periods of time.

As well, due to the phenomenon of non-ejaculatory orgasms, men are able to attain higher and higher levels of pleasure as their orgasms crescendo, thus further enhancing the sexual experience. Additionally, as part of this process, they learn to distribute the sexual energy that originates in the pelvis and spread that sensation throughout the whole body, ratcheting the whole process up to a still higher level.

Rather than disconnecting from the sexual experience, the techniques used to accomplish all of this involve being very aware and focused on what is happening so as to be better tuned into one's responses so as to work with and direct them accordingly.

The result of non-ejaculatory orgasmic sex for men is that the sexual energy generated during sexual activity continues to circulate long after the sex itself is over providing a level of energy much different than the tired feeling that typically occurs after ejaculatory sex.

Furthermore, due to the ongoing enjoyment that this brings, one is both sexualized and energized and thus interested in renewed sexual engagement. It is as if the body is generating energy repeatedly with each sexual act rather than depleting the energy stores.

As for ejaculation, the Taoists recommended doing so as infrequently as possible. While they understood the need for individualization, they had recommendations for ejaculatory frequency dependent upon one's age....

"A man at twenty can ejaculate once every four days.
A man at thirty can ejaculate once every eight days.
A man at forty can ejaculate once every ten days.
A man at fifty can ejaculate once every twenty days.
A man at sixty should no longer ejaculate."

An important aspect of this whole process is to decide not to make ejaculatory orgasm the objective but just the opposite, recognizing that in doing so, even just for oneself, the net pleasure gain is very significant.

A man pursuing this sexual empowerment process develops a positive sexual attitude, enjoys a great deal of sexual pleasure, and has the potential to be a much more satisfying (and satisfied) sexual partner.

By being more sexually confident, one's overall level of confidence is also enhanced.

By being able to engage sexually for a prolonged period of time and be present and focused during the process, one is able to connect to a far greater degree with one's sexual partner and help her get to an increasingly higher level of sexual enjoyment as well, enabling her to explore her own sexual potential much further.

A man who can relate sexually to a woman in this manner should have much greater chance of her coming back for more and feel less need to control her. Instead the interaction becomes more focused on each one discovering what level of pleasure can be reached, each wanting the other to take it higher - overall a liberating dynamic.

These men do not perceive female sexuality as something that needs to be feared and thus beaten to a pulp. Instead they are fascinated by it, delighting in it, and will do their part to enhance its full flowering.

Being more sexually fulfilled in general and knowing that they have the potential to engage in this highly enjoyable manner with women, these men are more attuned to female sexuality overall, and so they will be more open to women pursuing their own sexual agendas which, as previously discussed, are not identical to men's.

A person that is consistently well fed approaches a buffet taking what they need and enjoy but sees no need to hoard the food since they understand that they can always come back for more.

While I am not advocating Taoism as a belief system, I do believe that for a man living today, the skills that they developed to enable men to experience whole-body non-ejaculatory orgasms can be very useful and play an integral role in addressing the important problem of male sexual inadequacy and insecurity.

This ultimately enhances the possibility of women being allowed and even encouraged to become self-empowered generally and especially sexually. If that were to happen the world would become a very different and much healthier and freer place.

The book, 'The Multi-Orgasmic Man' by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava explains in a clear and practical manner the sexual techniques alluded to above (and more) developed by the Taoists, to enable men to become multi-orgasmic. It does not require one to embrace Taoist belief.

While these practices were likely unknown to precivilization humans, when used for the purposes described above, I consider them to be useful in helping the domesticated move forward on their journeys towards untaming.

I believe that every man and woman should be aware of these options so as to have the opportunity to use them to enhance their lives.

Each man should learn these skills so as to be able to experience and give the quality of sexual pleasure that such practices allow.

Each woman should become aware of what is possible so that they will not accept less from the men that they sexually engage with.

I also believe that this information should be presented to young people of both sexes as soon as they are ready to understand and deal with it so as to help them develop healthy pleasure-oriented sex-positive attitudes and skills.

If enough men became multiorgasmic and focused their energies on such activities for their own enjoyment while facilitating the great sexual pleasure that women desire and are built to receive, 'honor killings' and the sexual repression of women in general would finally be recognized as being the terrible and pathetic efforts of impotent males and a source of shame to all involved.